Dirty Jokes, my Parents

Dad came back from Utah, and was telling Mom and me about a sign that he saw in an authentic western steakhouse: "A good cowgirl keeps her calves together and her gate shut."

When I was moving onto campus for the first time, Mom was with me to help out. We had to go to University Health Services because I needed a meningitis shot. Mom saw a bowl of condoms, set out like a bowl of candy. Reaching for them, she suddenly realized her mistake, "I thought they were Jolly Ranchers!" I do suppose you could call them that.

[Note: my parents aren't skanky, nor are they repressed. I just thought these were pretty funny jokes.]

Another Desk Calendar Problem, The Worst Artificial Flavor

I just realized I have another problem with my joke-a-day desk calendar. The joke for today is the one about the duck that walks into a bar, and asks for pickles. If you don't know it, ask me, I'll tell you sometime. IT IS HILARIOUS. Except, the way the joke is told on the calendar, the duck doesn't ask for pickles, he asks for bread. The joke is substantially less funny when the duck asks for bread instead of pickles. Consequently, I have a subconscious urge to rip off today's page, displaying tomorrow's. At some point today, I might well do this without thinking. But, then, the date on the calendar will be incorrect.

For the remainder of the year, whenever an unfunny or poorly told joke is on my calendar, I'll have to resist the urge to proceed to a funny joke.

Also, the calendar came in a box shaped like Chinese take-a-way boxes. This is what drew me to the calendar initially, but, now, I don't get the connection between Chinese food and a joke-a-day desk calendar.

And now, a brief quiz:
Q. What is the worst artificial flavor?
A. Banana

Desk Calendar

I finished all of my Yubotu puzzles, so I popped in today at Barnes and Noble to pick up another book of puzzles. While I was there, I found a joke-a-day- desk calendar for $1. I bought it.

Dr. Seidman has three calendars on the wall of his office, none set to the right month, none even from the right year. One is at September 1966.

So, since I bought my calendar in February, I went ahead and peeled off all the jokes for January and saved them. I'll read through them slowly over the next month, and memorize each.

The only gripe that I have with the calendar is that it doesn't have the day of the week printed on it. This is really bad, because I typically have to think a minute to recall what the day of the week is. I often forget what season it is, and this is why I'm often seen wearing shorts in the winter.

Oh! I just realized that the day of the week is actually printed on the calendar. The jokes are that good.

An admittedly terrible joke about hobos

Q. What is that hobo wearing around his neck?
A. A railroad tie.
AHAHAHA

A Pirate Joke

Q. What did the pirate say when his ninja friend died or purchased an agricultural complex?
A. He bought the farrrm!