Thursday, December 20, 2007

How to Win the War on Christmas

In the yuletide season, I wish everyone I meet a jolly "Happy Christmas!" Some do not take kindly to this greeting, and protest, "I don't observe Christmas!" If you do not observe Christmas, that is your choice, but these people act as if I'm trying to offend them. I wouldn't be offended if a Muslim wished me a happy Eid al-Adha, for example, I know they're just trying to be friendly.

So, to those who go beyond simply not observing Christmas, to being anti-Christmas, I respond to them saying, "Do you want to have an un-merry Christmas? May you be devoured by a horde of wild boars on December 25!" This shuts them up quickly, when I wave my totemic staff and they discover that I am the High Shaman of the UMBC Wild Boar Cult.


  1. So, the Cult of Walter Sondheim allows its members to be leaders in other religious organizations? I would have thought that they would want you to be more focused on the tenets of Sondheimism...

  2. You say "Happy Christmas!"??? What are you, some kind of Briton?!

  3. Hehe. I wish people Happy Hannukah even though I don't observe it, and say "thank you" when someone says that to me. I don't see what the big deal about Happy/Merry Christmas is.

    Re: your comment... I explained it in earlier entries. Basically, I had a spinal fusion surgery back in 2002 for scoliosis (curvature of the spine). Sometime between then and this year, it got infected, and the infection wouldn't clear until the metal from the fusion was taken out. It was supposed to be a relatively simple surgery, but it ended up being more complicated b/c they found more infected tissue than they expected. And now I'm on IV antibiotics while I recover. That's it in a nutshell.