Commercials

With the Web 2.0 and the tubes and all, and IP addresses, you might not have seen commercials on TV lately. Here are things I learned from commercials tonight.

• Cal Ripkin's induction to the hall of fame is news
• A sandwich commerating Cal Ripkin's induction to the hall of fame is news
• Lotteries have a positive expected payoff
• Everyone likes horseracing, and you should, too
• The Nissan bottom line is the cheapest price you will pay
• Herbs and fruit have something to do with making you have pretty hair with which to impress an ENTIRE MOTORCYCLE GANG
• People will argue violently over the type of pizza they will consume
• A crowd of people will follow you about, if you pick the right cell phone network, impressing mobsters that were about to bring you harm
• Target supports teachers (if you give them key personal information and customer loyalty, in the form of a Target credit card)
• This car will keep your child from wetting his pants
• This will make you have pretty skin
• This is a call on your iPhone
• Amstel Light beer will make you as cultured as a craftsman of musical instruments

Now you know everything that is true. Ever.